05 wrz

In this tutorial a Band is had by us 7 essay graded by an.

In this tutorial a Band is had by us 7 essay graded by an.

First the essay can be read by you, and soon after we break down which sentences helped this essay score a Band 7.

Each criteria happens to be considered and also the sentence when you look at the essay has been colour coded to correspond to your fours marking criteria used because of the British Council / IELTS IDP.

This tutorial will help you understand:

  • How an essay gets a Band 7
  • What sentence structures and language is required for a Band 7
  • Ways to smoothly link ideas

The population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people at the present time. Perform some advantages for this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It really is well known that some countries have a population with more young people than old people. Even this particular fact might have both advantages and disadvantages, for me the positive implications of having a population that is youthful the negative ones. This essay will talk about the pros and cons examples that are giving support both point of view.

On one side, having more younger people can lead to a lack of professionals within the society. Older population may be much more educated than the young one, this really is being why they usually have had additional time to analyze a career that is professional their lives. For example, in order to become a specialist physician it really is needed at the very least a decade of university studies and also this may not be able for a young adult yet. In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s may have been through a lot in life and so they may become more willing to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This may make it possible to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations will likely have higher level of crime, this might be because young people have significantly more energy to commit crime than old people. A report from the University of Chile showed that when you look at the south of Chile, where in actuality the population is mainly young, the rate of robs and crimes where twice more than when you look at the north where the majority of the population where inside their 50’s and older.

Having said that, youthful populations have been in general more vigorous and more happy. This may be them to work more and maintain them-self more active because they have less old age-associated illness leading. Adding to the fact that healthy people could work more efficiently, with this particular they can donate to the economy associated with the country, earning profits in place of spending. For example, the simple truth is that old societies fork out a lot of cash in health with their old citizens. Another positive facet of having adult that is young is there are more chances of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have significantly more time and more energy than old people to practice and turn an excellent sport professional. In soccer a lot of the players retires from their soccer-career when they turn thirty yrs old. With old people there is no time to start a sport career. And last but not least, young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities for the community. This might be since they are more proactive in organize those activities and in addition almost certainly going to be involved in them. Old people may be too tired to go out.

To summarize using the arguments given above, I firmly think that the benefits of youthful population over-weigh the disadvantages. Despite the fact that, there are a few positive components of having an older population
that we must look into.

It really is well known that some countries have a population with more people that are young old people (TR1). Even (CC1) this particular fact could have both benefits and drawbacks, In (GR1) my estimation the positive implications of getting a youthful population overweigh the negative ones (TR2). This essay will talk about the advantages and disadvantages (LR1) giving examples to support both point of view.

TR1 – Good to start by paraphrasing the question.

CC1 – Check the meaning / use of ‘even’.
GR1 – Check your use http://edubirdies.org/write-my-paper-for-me of punctuation.
TR2– good to clearly state your opinion.
LR1 – A bit repetitive. Attempt to vary your use of vocabulary whenever you can.

On one hand (CC2) / (TR3) having more younger people could lead to a lack of professionals in the society. Older population may be more educated compared to the young one, this can be being why LR2 that is( they usually have had additional time to examine an expert career during their lifes (LR3) . For example (CC3) / (TR4) , to be a professional physician it is needed at least a decade of university studies and this may not be able for a adult that is young (GR3). In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s (LR4) might have been through a complete lot in life (LR5) and so they may be much more ready to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This can help to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations are likely to have high rate of crime, this might be because young people have more energy to commit crime than old people. A research through the University of Chile (TR5) indicated that within the south of Chile, where in fact the population is mostly young (GR4) , the rate of robs (LR6) and crimes where twice greater than within the north where a lot of the population where inside their 50’s and older.

CC2 – a proper phrase to introduce your first ‘body paragraph’.

TR3 – Good organisation / use of paragraphing.
LR2 – because
LR3 life that is–singular), lives (plural)
CC3 – Appropriate language to introduce an illustration.
TR4 – Good to include a good example to aid your idea.
GR3 – Some problems with sentence structure here. Perhaps ‘specialist physicians require at least… and young adults have not yet had time to accumulate this knowledge..’?
LR4 – Perhaps ‘who are over fifty’.
LR5 – Perhaps a little regarding the informal side, but lovely natural utilization of language.
TR5 – Again, good to use examples to support your comments.
GR4 – Accurate use of a relative clause.
LR6 – Take care here. ‘Rob’ is a verb – and also the noun is ‘robbery’.

On the other hand (CC4) / (TR6), youthful populations are in general more active and much more happy. This might be because (CC5) they usually have less old illness that is age-associated them to the office more and maintain them-self more active (LR7) . Adding to the fact healthy people could work more efficiently, using this they can contribute to the economy for the country, making money instead of spending (GR4) . For instance, it is a fact that old societies spend a lot of cash in health because of their old citizens (LR8) . Another positive facet of having adult that is young is there are more odds of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have significantly more some time more energy than
old visitors to practice and start to become an excellent sport professional. In soccer all the players retires (GR5) from their soccer-career when they turn thirty yrs old (LR9 ). With old people there is no time and energy to start an activity career. And last but most certainly not least (CC6) , young societies are more likely to have outdoor activities for the community. This may be as they are more proactive in organize those activities and also more likely to take part in them. Old people can be too tired to venture out.

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